On My Path to Enlightenment

BY THERESA GOLDEN

Christianity was the religion given to me. Without a doubt I was my mother’s “why” child. Growing up, I had several questions about its doctrine. However, I rarely received any answers that satisfied my curiosity about it. My family was Baptist and they went to church frequently, which is true for many African Americans. I was always told to never question God. This did not make sense to me, because as a child, my thoughts were, “if God knew all things” as I was told he did, why shouldn’t I be able to ask questions of him.

I was a Christian for 32 years and still asked as many questions as I did when I was young. One time I remember asking a minister, “if God is a ‘just God, as you and others say he is, then why is there so much poverty and suffering in the world?” the minister’s answer was, “Just keep praising God, and you will be bless with all Gods riches.” Now, this answer made no sense to me, and it really confused my simple, little logical mind even more.

As a child I would always hear my mother, and the many members of our church, praying to God, to better the conditions of African Americans. Even though conditions had gotten better, there were fundamental conditions of African Americans I felt still needed drastic changes. I thought if it was that simple, (the minister’s answer) why wasn’t God hearing their prayers. Couldn’t God see the same conditions that I saw as a child?

When I would ask such questions I was quickly hushed. I was told I was blasphemy, which would send me to hell, and all I needed to do was believe that God would work everything out in his own time. So I finally hushed and became the “good Christian” the preacher implied that I should be. Although, this went on for years into my adult life, my questions never went away because no one really ever answered them.

Eventually, I fell in love with my high school sweetheart and got married. I joined the church that he had been a member of, since childhood. His church had a rule, that if you got married, and your spouse did not join the church, the member would be excommunicated. He was more attached to his church than I was to mine. I wanted us to worship together as a family therefore I joined his church, so he wouldn’t get kicked out. Disappointingly, this church was even worst about listening to your questions and a willingness to answer them than mine. I recalled asking one of the elder ministers, “if we are children of God, wouldn’t that make us all little gods?” He looked at me as if I had cursed him. But to my surprise, he answered and said, “yes, but we cant’ tell that to everyone because they would not understand it.” At this moment I knew it was time to go out, and get my own answers, find my own truth.

It was the winter of 1987 when our family moved to southern California. We packed up our three children ages eleven seven and three and headed for the airport in Milwaukee Wisconsin. We said our goodbyes and everyone was very sad to see us leave. But I wasn’t worried about leaving because I knew we were coming back home to visit as much as we could, because we value our family relationships very much.

When we finally arrived in Los Angeles California, I immediately started looking for a job. I wanted work that would give me flexibility in my schedule. One day I went looking for work and meet this gentleman that was selling nail system machines. These machines provided an alternative and more healthy way for nail technicians to apply nail lacquer product to nails, as oppose to using the strong acrylic stuff that many nail salons were using. These nail systems were being distributed by independent representatives. (Network Marketing) I listen to his marketing plan, which sounded very lucrative, and I signed up to be an independent consultant.

Fortunately, I had done quite a bit of network marketing ventures before moving to California, so I knew the ropes of selling and recruiting to potential consumers and distributors. The gentleman, did something that I thought was quite different and strange to Network Marketing; he gave me a list of potential customer that he had, and said to me, “since you just move to California, and you may not know anyone in the area yet. You can use this list to get started,”

So, the very first person I called from that list he gave me was a woman named Kathy Wayne. When the phone rang she answered it, and I said, “Hi may I please speak to Kathy?” she said, “this is Kathy” I explained to her how I got her name and number, and she remembered meeting the gentleman who gave me her information. I then asked, “When can we get together so I can show this new innovative nail system?” She said, “Well, when I spoke to him I was really interested in the business opportunity. Because I am looking to supplement my income.” I then said, Wow! That is great I am looking for people to join my team.” So we set up the appointment and I hang up the phone excited that I received such a great response with my first call. And the first person I called was interested in the business opportunity, and had not yet, seen the marketing plan. Unfortunately, I did not get the same response from the rest of the list. But I was so excited about meeting Kathy that I wasn’t fazed by it one bit.

Coming from a small town like Racine, I was extremely nervous about driving in a big city like Los Angeles. It did not matter because I was more anxious to meet Kathy who sounded so upbeat on the phone I couldn’t wait to see her. Driving on the LA city streets was no problem; it was the freeways I was nervous about. It was a good thing I didn’t have to drive to far on the freeway before I reached my exit. I was driving much slower than most of the other drivers, and boy was I was getting some of the dirtiest looks while drivers would speed around my car to get in front of me. This was okay with me, because my main purpose and concerned was getting to my final destination without any fender benders, and in one piece.

Kathy lived on Robinson Street in Los Angeles. I don’t recall the address but I remember it was light tan stucco colored trimmed in green seven-unit apartment building, and her apartment was facing the street. I parked my car and walked up to the door, and to my surprise this petite and beautiful African American women, whose’ skin was flawless, opens the door before I get a chance to knock. As she opened the door, with the same vibrancy I heard on the phone, she said ‘Hi, I am Kathy, I am so happy to meet you.” She then asked, “did you have any trouble finding my place?” and I said, “No, but it was a little nerve-racking driving on that freeway” We both laugh and she invited me in.

Kathy had a very small studio apartment. Although it was small it had style. The décor was contemporary, and the color scheme was black, white and red. The kitchen area had an Asian styled black lacquered divider that separated it from her sleeping area. In her main living room stood this pearl white wooden, two feet tall box that sat on a matching four feet long table that was adorn with a water cup, an incense holder, a fruit bowl, which were all made out of crystal. There were two beautiful flawless cut crystal vases placed on each side of the box each vase holding large eucalyptus foliage, which left the apartment smelling incredibly refreshing. All this was beautiful, but what impressed me the most about this woman was, there was a young boy sitting on the sofa. I thought it was her son, but it was not. As it turned out, Kathy was taking care of her friend’s son who is a special needs child. She was giving his mother some “me time” As a young mother my self at time this act of kindness won my heart.

Looking at the two feet box on the table, I asked Kathy, “What is that”? She said, “Oh! That is my altar and the box is my butsadan. The scroll inside the box is my Gohonzon. I am a Buddhist, and I practice Nicihren Daishonin Buddhism. I chant Nam myoho renge kyo.” Have you heard of it? I said no, as I attempted to repeat Nam- myoho- renge- kyo, “N-a-m- m-yo-ho---what?” I was really messing it up so I stopped trying to say it. We both laughed. So, she then repeated it about four to five times, enunciating the words very slowly for me, as I repeated along with her.

Now, I had never met an African American Buddhist before. Matter- of- fact, I didn’t know any existed. And if I had met one, they weren’t as forward and proud about it, as Kathy was, to proclaim it. I notice how bright her life condition was and how opened she was about her practice. Her openness made me extremely curious about learning more about it.

Consequently, this lead to hours of dialogue about Buddhism, the organization she was affiliated with, (Soka Gakkai that means value creating and why she started practicing this Buddhism. One of the statements Kathy made that pulled me into such a long dialogue was; “In Nicihren Buddhism we believe the purpose of life is to be happy” I had not really been happy for a quite a while. So, there I was totally engaged, with all ears opened, along with a full-fledged willingness to continue the dialogue. I completely forgot about selling her anything and time stood still. (This happens when you are in dharma)

After the long hours of dialogue she invited me to one of their Buddhist discussion meetings and I whole heartily accepted the invitation. I wanted to know more about this philosophy, and since I wasn’t getting any answers from my practice of Christianity; I decided that night to check out what this Nicihren Buddhism was all about. I realized, it was ultimately, my responsibility to find my own spiritual path, and move away from the given one.

We both said goodnight to each other, and I embraced her, while thanking her for sharing her faith with me. As I was walking away from her door realizing I had just spent literally hours at her place and did not make a sale or recruit her to start my team I began to wonder How I was I going to explain this encounter to my husband.

This whole experience on the relative was; I left my apartment looking to sell a nail machine or a business opportunity to Kathy. However, the absolute was, at the core of it all, my life was looking for truth. I was tired of not getting my questions answered and my previous religion was not satisfying me any longer. Consequently this business opportunity led me to Nicihren Buddhism, which I have been practicing for eighteen years. And I will forever be indebted to Kathy Wayne for having the courage to share this Buddhist practice with me. Thus helping me to find my own spiritual path that has led me to Transcendental Meditation. This meditation has helped to reawaken my desire to know the truth even more, and has restored the connection to Self, that is the deep contentment inside. “I have come home.”